Family & friends. .....with art,music and dogs !

What a treat it is to have friends. This week , the fourth week of my father's hospitalisation following a stroke, coinciding with my much missed partner's family visit to New Zealand , has found me welcoming friends from across my lifetime. And what a cheering time it's been. 

Mary and I forged our friendship, aged seven , by walking and bussing to and from school together, returning to our very different families in houses across the road from one another - 131 and 132. Over five decades later, living in different cities, we remain strong friends with some treasured shared history, lots of shared interests, providing care and support at times of change and trouble. Mary is not a dog lover, but Merry wins her over and I was able to take a photo we would not have expected to see! 

    Mary and Merry 

We shared my daily visit to the hospital and she was a well remembered and cheering figure at the bedside. Mary reminisced about my dad . She had always rather envied me having a father with a young,  smart , slim look and Chelsea boots in the early sixties ! Now he cuts a different dash , cradling Merry on his bed top and proving a magnet for dog loving staff and visitors! 

And on Tuesday we took a joyous trip to Pallant House Gallery and the Evelyn Dunbar ( 1906-60) exhibition (third time for me) , bringing my newest friend along to meet my longest standing friend ( not my oldest one!) and delighting in the wonderful work , and a pleasure shared . 

                                

                                    Old Mother Hubbard  1946 

I digress but can you see a resemblance between Mother Hubbards dog and my brother's  dog, Audrey below?  

   My brother, my newest friend Amanda, Audrey the dog , and me 

   Men Stooking & Girls learning how to Stook 1940 

   Study of two trainee land girls 1940 

My newest friend Amanda, is also one of my brother's longstanding friends , till recently separated from us by land and sea , very recently returned to these parts ; we had such a laughter filled day .

Pleasures shared are so much richer, and that's what I found when my friend , Richard , and I visited Komedia on Wednesday to hear the Wainwright sisters. Martha and Lucy are daughters of the marvellous Loudon Wainwright 3rd , and are part of a musical family dynasty , which boasts two sister acts - the McGarrigles and the Roches . Their mothers were each a key part of these groups, and now Martha and Lucy are building on the tradition, with a "dark" set of collected lullaby songs . They were superb in their Rufus Wainwrigt-gifted dresses , providing marvellous harmonies and intriguing songs. I  already had the CD and had to work hard not to sing along ! 

                                            

                                       

                                 

                                 The Wainwright Sisters 

   

       

                                    

For my father, it's family and friendliness that he is reliant on now. On Wednesday he experienced the rather marvellous and unexpected gift of an actor visiting his bedside . Her name was Heather Deaville and she comes from InterAct, a stroke support charity whose actors come to share stories and jokes with the patients, if they would like it. My dad and his neighbour Derek enjoyed the joke in the story of Edna and Fred . And then Heather, picking up on dads love of dogs, told him about Endell the Millenium dog of the year - a dog who gave a badly injured serviceman some independence , becoming his family's lifeline and hero. I am so grateful to Heather and InterAct.

And to add to our delights, Thursday brought a glimpse of blue sky and sunshine, and Merry for one was very happy! 

                                           

                                               Merry by the sea 

But back to friends , and thanks to Linda for coming down from London for a night stop on Friday . We enjoyed a tasty meal and traded remembrances of working together 40 years ago as young and enthusiastic social workers in Tower Hamlets. Our shared experiences of motherhood, daughterhood , emotional partnerships and work , provided serious solace and lightening laughter . 

    Intriguing ice maker 

And the treats of visiting friends didnt end there. Bearing an ice maker with more than a whiff of a Moomin about it , Tracey&Dave arrived yesterday to share food, wine and laughter. This morning we suffered the agony of an Andy Murray losing Australian grand slam final and commiserated over the sad death of the gentle generous broadcaster Terry Wogan. And then they speeded off back to the bright city lights of London and Merry and I took a soggy seaside walk . Now it's back to the hospital , to appreciate the unfailing care of all the staff on the stroke ward and to wish that I could be shaking those ice cubes into a G&T for dad at home,  just as we were doing over the festive season. 

Diary of a carer?

This still life courtesy of glorious amaryllis' from my sister has kept me going this week . Some of my favourite pictures, our warm red walls and these flowers combine beautifully. 

Another thing that's kept me going has been the ever enthusiastic Merry, who has enjoyed the cold but sunny plays on the beach, everyday . She has run and fetched the ball with wild enthusiasm and huge energy. 

To see the sun has been wonderful , even though it's been necessary to wear four or five layers.

The light , the warmth , the beauty of the sea shimmering , are so uplifting. And when the rain returned yesterday and we couldn't get out before 3pm, we appreciated those earlier in the week crisp days even more. 

The daily FaceTime calls from my partner half a world away in South Island , New Zealand visiting her much loved grandchildren , continues to be a tonic ( if not a lifeline ) for me. I'm sure time is passing speedily for her. Is it not amazing to be able to talk and see each other with a 13 hour time difference ? Last Sunday we were talking ( safe, hands free ) on What's App as I travelled back from a lovely birthday celebration with my grown up offspring in London . Who'd have thought this would be possible a few years ago? 

And I don't know if my sons and daughter understand  how much I appreciate their frequent calls and texts as I manage the daily visits to dad in hospital , continue to organise his house sale, and plan his future with him, the professional multidisciplinary team and my brother and sister . 

Another tonic this week has been the joy of music. Indeed I'm enjoying a number of new CDs .After the wonderful  melancholy of  Bowie's  Black Star last week , I am enjoying the Unthanks collection and Liane  Carroll's Seaside. 

 

Visits , texts, phone calls from friends trading stories and plans, bringing  flowers  and sharing tea have also been vital for keeping me going,in the face of a filthy cold and an emergency tooth extraction .

And so has reading . This week I finished a wonderful book , The Vanishing Man - part mystery, part art appreciation, part memoir , Laura Cumming has given us a very special read which I thoroughly recommend.

So family, friends, flowers, music , pets , books and home are all keeping me going . There are two other things I haven't mentioned yet . One is Twitter - the connectedness to people known and unknown and information and stimulation from far and wide . Everyday I learn something, or experience a smile at a joke, cartoon or anecdote. Everyday I connect with hard working professionals improving services where they work and live . Everyday I see pieces of art that I love and which cheer me. 

And the other thing that's keeping me going is our public services , and in particular our Health and social care services. For the first time in his life, my father is entirely dependent on health and social care professionals . He is benefitting from their knowledge ,skill, and commitment to public service, and so are we.  I have just read a brilliant piece in the online journal @StandardIssueUK, about the author @hazedavis delight in paying her taxes and having a stake in society. I wholly endorse her enthusiasm and can testify to the importance of services being there when you need them . So thanks to them. 

Back to Merry. Ever since we learnt that she can visit dad in hospital , she has been  acting as a "pet as therapy" , bringing joy to all the patients and staff on the stroke ward , not just my dad . 

                                  

So she has earned those plays on the beach and after the rains yesterday , she was delighted to discover sand ! Yes that's Hove - who says we only have a pebbly beach? 

A new year thank you message

I want to start by thanking Brighton stroke ward nurses,doctors, health assistants,  for your care of my dad and the other stroke patients who you so patiently and respectfully treat and look after every day . I can only endorse the sentiments of royal "approbation" in the 1830s. You have our appreciation for the quality service you are providing. And I am seeing it every day. 

                                      

                                   

      

In these days of criticism and devaluing of our public services , I want to shine a light on what you are doing and to thank you. Dad and my family are truly appreciative, and are daily aware of the gruelling hard work involved in 12 hour nursing shifts . We are in awe at the patience, thoughtfulness, and most importantly, kindness, that we experience. 

      

                                      

                                         The view of the sea from the Royal Sussex Hospital entrance 

          

                                      

                                     

Last Friday,  I was felled by a bug and it meant my weekend was one of poorlyness and forced rest and as I recovered, comfort reading. Matt Haig's simple message gave solace - it turned out to be much needed, since week two has provided so much grim news. 

 

                                     

            

 I was woken on Monday to the ping of my mobile phone - announcing the surprise death of David Bowie . I was not alone in my spontaneous sadness and appreciation of so many songs  and albums that have provided much of my life's soundtrack.  I was not alone in appreciation of boundaries that Bowie had pushed,making otherness wonderful. 

Later in the morning the hospital rang; dad already recovering from a New Year stroke had had another one. I rushed to the hospital.  Prompt careful attention had already kickstarted recovery. My feelings were relief and appreciation . The sunset that evening was magical, comforting and poignant.

                                      

And the week's news has continued to be depressing - Junior doctors driven to strike, Southern Health's poor Board meeting to consider the (initially) uninvestigated death of Connor Sparrowhawk, an ISIS Jakarta bombing , more sadness with the untimely death of Alan Rickman.....

So reasons to be cheerful this cold January week , with loss and ill health all around ? 

Friendship - phonecalls, messages,  cups of tea and stollen with P&P; a new friendship via my brother with A ; a warming risotto with P&R; a promised visit from my longest standing friend M.

The gift of flowers.

Jazz - the marvellous Scott Hamilton  and Smalls house band made a special Tuesday evening .

Family - on the 13th I managed to time arrival of a message to my eldest son  at the minute of the 32nd anniversary of his birth ! The frequent call from him and his brother and sister seeking to support me in the face of grandpa's illness is marvellous . I hugely value daily face time calls with my partner from halfway round the globe as she visits her son and his growing family. My brother and sister's frequent calls and visits , and sharing caring concerns for our dad, are keeping me going too. 

Pets - our Merry with her dependable cheeriness and affection .

                                      

The less dependable,standoffishness of Eartha .

The world around in the sharp winter sunshine.

Twitter and the connections to people , art, missed articles , books ,music, that it provides daily 

Back to my NHS thank you. Yesterday I learnt from dad's OT that not only are dogs allowed on the stroke ward;  they are positively welcomed! I couldn't believe it. And neither could dad when Merry arrived as his surprise visitor. His smile was so wide , his stroking so enthusiastic ( and with his bad hand!) . This is real person centred, involving care. Merry cheered the whole ward- patients,visitors and staff.

Thank you 

Loss,love,time passing - happy new year!

                                   

Home and hearth offer warmth ,tranquility and solace as I reflect on a year of loss and love and contemplate five days of a new year which provide for much of the same, it seems. 

Yesterday I attended a funeral, celebrating the life of a well loved and respected ex-colleague who died just before Christmas. James had lived a full,fulfilling life but died far too young from cancer. 

James was a countryside and bird loving Scot for whom a recording of the nightingale's song provided a beautiful soundtrack for our memories and reflections. 

Last year I spoke at three funerals, marking three vital lives and mourning their loss. I have got to the stage where these ceremonies are becoming too many, and outnumber any other sort of celebrations. 

Mind, we celebrated the New Year, and brought it in with a lovely meal with close family, music, and laughter. We reviewed last years resolutions. One of mine had been to start retirement planning - that had turned out to be something of a prediction not a resolution! Nonetheless we contemplated a 2016 with optimism and ambition- for adventures, good health, new endeavours. For Penny ( partner) her first adventure would be down under to New Zealand to visit her eldest son, on Sunday for a month.  

                    

                   

We visited dad in his new home on New Year's Day and planned his walks with Merry the dog over the coming days and weeks, keeping them both fit and enabling me to do some work including London trips.

                                  

Shockingly, on Saturday evening, at our house, dad had a stroke. I realised what was happening immediately and summoned an ambulance which came super speedily. I have nothing but praise for the paramedics, doctors,nurses, assistants and porters at the Royal Sussex (BSUH) A&E and in the stroke service. They were, and are being, marvellous. And already, lost capablities are beginning to return and assessment and therapy to bear fruit. But inevitably, this heralds a further loss for dad . Last year he lost his soul mate and wife of almost forty years; gave up his cottage and fully independent lifestyle come to live with, and then near us. Now, the future is uncertain again. How quickly things change and we lose faculties, loved ones , our independence , even purpose. 

I reflect with gratitude on how vital I am finding the caring and support from my brother and sister who will not leave me to cope alone . Already friends are offering practical and emotional support and all I have to do is to be ready to accept it! 

As if I needed reminding, all this serves to underline to me (us) how important it is to make the most of now; to value the love of children, partner, family and friends...... and to appreciate the unconditional love and good company of pets....well, the dog at least! Eartha Kitt(en) is rather too focussed on number one and her own needs ! 

                               

                            

And whilst valuing all those sentient beings , I won't neglect to  enjoy the world around me, and the wonderful sea and skyscapes I have spotted in between the downpours .